well.....i have been thinking about that new years resolution thing, and have also been thinking about the year past, the year ahead, and have just been thinking, that maybe i should do the valdy thing and stick to keeping this life in the simple life vein.
the big issue this year, is gonna be the kids. yeah, ironman canada in august and the nyc marathon november, yep, big, huge things, and 2 things that will be my focus, but the 3 kids, especially 2 of them, big time focus.
their both big. jim and sasha. and both have very fuzzy futures ahead of them, both will have big changes taking place in their/and our lives, and i think this is gonna be a huge struggle.
jim graduates grade 12 this year...wow huh?....it's been 12 years already, and i know this is something to look forward too. he's actually a great kid, and as long as he keeps his focus, he's fine. But, he's also autistic, he still needs a lot of help, and there are gonna be huge hurdles for us to overcome together. the big question is, what comes next? he's going to be 18, the plan is to return to high school for a 13th year, and yeah, maybe that'll move him up the knowledge ladder a bit, but then what? does he go off to post secondary, and where and doing what? my hope is something at NAIT, but why not GMCC or even something at the U of A?. there are trades he'd be perfect for. but do we wait for him decide, do we decide for him, do we try and lead him, do we wait, and how long?
I know he has strengths that others seem not to notice. he's smart, at least in things he takes and interest in, and he doesn't mind passing on and explaining things he's interested in. i think he'd be perfect as a guide or interpreter somewhere (a museum), but the challenge is getting others agreeing with me.
and then there's sasha??.....wow, she's 16, will be 17 next november, and it seems the older she gets, the more time passes by, the tougher it gets to understand just where her head is, um, headed....and she's got so many issues...ADD, autism, whatever...
she used to be a slim, healthy-ish girl, who loved being outside, being active, and while not exactly quiet, not exactly loud and obtrusive either, she could be calm and focused....but that has changed a complete 180 now. partly because of all the drugs she's on, her metabolism has slowed, and i guess because of that she's packed on more then a few pounds, she's a big, and strong girl. she's very emotional, very stubborn, and very difficult to keep focused, relaxed, and active...which frankly drives me nuts, and is something i have to admit i do not handle well, and really don't know how to?
today was a case in point...took her out skating, which she didn't really want to do, but seemed to enjoy for the 1st 10 minutes we were on the ice, and while her first steps of the year were slow and not really smooth....she really picked up the speed and caught on to the deal quickly, and seemed to enjoy what we were doing, but that quickly changed for some reason, with her complaining of being tired, and sore, and who knows what...with a ton of complaining, wanting to stop, and it took all i had to get her to do one loop around the lake...and even then, she wanted to just quit. even a year ago, yep i would have had to prompt her, but she didn't, never just quit. today, she did. it wasn't a happy experience for her, nor for me, and yep, i don't think i handled it best way i could, but frustration is a big big part of this job.
she's been struggling at school, and being a stronger girl, she's hard to keep on the straight and narrow, when she refuses to. i know the teachers are doing their best, and i know there's things sasha loves, and she loves going to school. she wakes up every school day with that thought, and that intention, she's going to school. what she does there, well, i guess that's the problem.
what happens next, i don't know. i know that i don't like or agree with all the drugs and medication she's on, BUT, who am i to really argue?...my wife seems to agree that the drugs are what she needs to remain calm and focused, but when does it all become too much? i actually think there's a point where now sasha has no idea what she's doing, or where she is even, to the point where she's just reacting irrationally, to anything. she doesn't seem to hear or see, and her concentration, and her understanding of what she's doing seems lost...and trying to control her at that point, i think is just not possible. she actually seems high, and completely out of it...which is scary and frightening, especially when it's your kid. and you think, and wonder, where is this going, and where will it end, well, end up?
so the goal is, well, to try to get her to straighten up. we're going to make some major changes in her diet, cut out some things that may take a major effort, but i think we have to. and we have to get her fit. her size, her weight, i'm sure are factors, problems...this is the first time i've ever heard her say she wanted to quit something just because she was tired, so yeah, she needs to stay active. we actually started that this past summer, with doing something every day. with the change in the weather, we seem to have slacked off, but, yep, even if it's just walking around the mall for and hour...whatever, we've gotta get her moving and dieting...once that's under control, then i believe everything else will fall into place, or will just be easier to deal with...again she's 16 going on 17, grade 10 going on grade 11....the future just doesn't look bright...we have to work to make it brighter...i guess onward and upward!!
and oh yeah, as well, i've gotta run, bike, and swim my ass.....so i'll be dragging sasha and jim along with me, they can chance dad to ironman and nyc!
