the end of a horrible year...but you've gotta have hope....

This was awful. And I am actually happy it's almost over. This was it, my 52nd year on this planet, & it's been horrible. It's been so bad that all that I can point to over the last 300 and 50 odd days, is a had full of bike rides, I actually spent more time on my mountain bike this year then i did on my TriFelt, and my Cannondale never made it outa the garage! Swam a grand total of about an even dozen times, the wetsuit never made it outa the basement,except, well, to the garbage can where it now sits.
No marathons, no triathlons, a few runs, a couple of fun runs, wow even an organized 10K, a wonder, 1 wonderful 5 Peaks run, but that was it.
It has been a tuff 1, and it's about to get tuffer. But i guess I've got to look at this as a challenge. Maybe.
It's weird. I thought as time went by, well,I'd have more time. But it hasn't worked out that way. Not at all. It has become just tuff.
Tuff to find the time to train. It's been frustrating. Understandably so, that's just the way life has become, and has to become.
Along with that no time to train as i would like, I became a stubborn pig, a frustrated pig, and used every excuse to not train,or race, or to get fit.
I screwed around. I don't know if it was residual stuff after doing Ironman in Penticton, but I just have not felt like much of anything for a really long time. Long runs, long bike rides, weights, yoga, anything. I've drug my ass out a few times, if running 5 to 10 k on a consistent basis is something to brag about, well, i might be able to brag about that, but i won't.
I seriously, have just missed my life for a very long time. For a few years I lived the life. Ran, swam, biked, did lunch, and, well, enjoyed life. Now not so much.
Kids, house, work, a need to sleep, a little depression, actually a lot of depression, that seems to make me want to sleep all the time.
This year ends in about 14 days. I'm going to try and focus on one thing at a time. I'm going to attempt to focus on making myself better and fitting what I need to do, in with what i have to do, one day at a time.
The focus is to just get out of the house right now, even more so, just out of bed every day, and that goal will extend to just getting out of bed, remaining out of bed, and then getting out.

onward and upward,i can only hope